Recently a girlfriend called me out and dressed me down. She just finished chemo and told me, “Hol, I love you and your book. It helped me through all of my treatments.” Sweet, right?
THEN she said, “I am also thankful to you for teaching me how not to heal.” Huh? WTF? Seriously? Seriously.
My eyes widened. My mouth gaped. My mind spun.
And then….after I thought about what she said, I congratulated her and told her that I am not the model for healing. I quickly acknowledged that I have not gotten it right. I went from treatment to writing a book to promoting a book to writing another book to promoting another book. I have gone from sick to busy, like those fancy race cars that go from Zero to 120 mph in 6 seconds flat (except I wasn’t anywhere near as sleek or sexy). My point is that I have been on a never-ending cycle of work, work, work. I am exhausted, burned out, stressed out, and impatient. I don’t sleep enough or well. Taking care of myself is consistently put on the back burner. I put myself on the back burner.
Gosh, that was hard to admit. Well, if I go one step further – and why the heck not? – I also have to admit that my beliefs and attitudes have not matched my actions. I have not taken the best, most optimal care of myself – emotionally, spiritually, physically or socially – ESPECIALLY for someone who has had cancer!
Sooooooooo, I have decided (drum roll, please!) to take the entire month of July OFF. Completely. I am so deeply – profoundly, actually – grateful that I am in a position to do so. My body needs it. My mind needs it. My heart needs it. My family and friends need it.
This is so so so so so hard for me to do; but I also have to tell you that there is a freedom in and to it. I will miss you and promise to return. In August.
Wishing you all a happy, restful and peaceful July!