This week, I’m in New York embarking on something that is going to take a prodigious amount of courage. I am going down a new path filled with boatloads of uncertainty. GULP. Suffice it to say that I have a wee bit (ok, a whole lot!) of nerve bugs.
Uncertainty is, I believe, the key word here. One of the additional side effects of my FBC diagnosis was (still is!) recognizing the fact that life is fleeting, impermanent and yes, uncertain. It’s easy to (try to) cling to the idea that I am this or I am that, but the reality is that nothing and no one stays the same or in one place.
FBC was a slap-in-the-face (Silver Lining) reminder of this. The only choice that I had during my diagnosis and treatment was how I was going to respond to it. I actively chose courage and strength over fear and weakness. Now, it must be said that on certain days, courage came in the form of a good cry or watching eight hours of television (in a row). I’m just sayin’…
The Silver Lining about my current situation is that this is a course of my choosing. So this week, instead of worrying, as I am apt to do, I am attempting (with a ginormous amount of effort, I might add!) to change my perspective and think about my new circumstances and opportunities much in the same way I did my diagnosis: from a place of courage rather than fear.
The central question for me post-FBC is not how to avoid uncertainty (because it is inevitable) but rather how to cope and even find comfort and peace with it. It’s indeed a work in process, filled with Silver Linings.
Hollye,
This post means so much to me. Even though I didn't have cancer, going through a divorce unsettled the "known" part of my world and my children's world. Our traditions at holidays were changed, annual family vacations were changed, the "plans" for our life were drastically altered.
You're post from the other week: "'You walk in grace or you walk in fear. You can't have it both ways.' -Carlos Santana" is on my iPhone so that i can look at it daily and remember those wise words. I was letting fear of the future overtake me. How will I pay for my children's college when I can barely pay for their current educational needs. How will I balance all of their needs while working and trying to find some time for myself too. Parenting alone has so many challenges and single parenting has even more. So far I've been able to care for them at every turn. Something miraculous has happened and a job has come in and I have found a way to give the girls what they need. But there is no security and no KNOWN answers for the future. I can only hope and believe that it will all be alright.
I'm unsure of my own career path because I need to be sure that my children are cared for before I embark on anything major.
Just yesterday my sister and I were talking about all of our concerns with raising children and keeping them safe and helping them to be strong and independent and not succumb to peer pressure. We talked about financial challenges and other challenges that face us. Near the end of our conversation I said: "we have our health. If we have that we can do anything."
Thank you for your wonderful posts and inspiration for all of us. None of us knows anything of the future, so we must believe no matter what happens that it will be full of silver linings.
love you!
Maili
Dear Dear Maili,
Thanks so much for sharing! Don't you just love the Santana post? I sure do! I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. The end of your conversation provides so much perspective, especially to me!
I look so forward to your next steps on your career path. They will present themselves when they are ready. …and I know that they will be GREAT!
xxx
Hollye, you have certainly piqued my curiosity as to what is about to happen in New York for you. It sounds like you are branching out in a new direction, but with some trepidation. Of course we will feel uncertain, and often fearful, when we make a life-changing decision. But it sounds like your FBC past has served you well; in that you are moving forward with courage from a place of strength. Good luck and please keep us informed.
Thanks so much, as always, Carolee! I'll certainly keep you informed about what is going on…hopefully sooner rather than later. Thanks as always for your support!
You go forth, missy ma'am, walking in grace with your head held high. You will do great. Remember you have one heck of a sisterhood behind you. You are an inspiration to us all. We've got your back, just say the word. Looking forward to updates and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Wowsy, E.B. Thank you so so so much! Truly. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate your continued support!
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