With the tragic, unthinkable, and unbearable bombing in Boston in which more than 130 people were injured and three killed, including (horror of horrors) an eight year-old boy, I thought that I would repost “Talking with Children About Tragedy.” The last time I posted this was on December 15th, right after the mass shooting in Newtown. I can’t believe that I have to share this information again. And so soon.
One of the (many!) sequelae involved in a disaster is how to help children through this trauma. The fact that we even have to help children through something so catastrophic is unimaginable because, really, who on earth could possibly have imagined something so evil?
Here are some suggestions for helping children:
- Encourage ongoing dialogue. Keep the lines of communication open at all time.
- Listen and reassure.
- Turn OFF the television.
- Encourage feedback.
- Do NOT discuss the gory details.
- Normalize feelings, whatever they may be whenever they may present.
- Use the conversation as an opportunity for learning.
- Maintain a consistent routine because children equate a routine with stability and security.
The important thing to know is that children take their coping cues from us, the trusted adults in their lives. This isn’t to say that we should cover our pain. Not at all. Rather, we need to model healthy coping mechanisms for our children. Some examples include:
- Talking
- Moderating news intake
- Self care (eating, sleeping, bathing)
- Express our feelings
Each child will react in his or her own way. Children are able to hold only so much pain. During periods of intense grief and confusion, a child’s inherent need to play and laugh and show joy will come through. Please allow this to happen. It is normal.
This weekend I hope that you will hold the children in your life tightly and love every minute that you have with them. As we have learned so tragically, every moment is indeed a gift.
Here is an excellent resource that offers additional support and guidance:
- National Association of School Psychologists on Talking to Children About Violence
Thank you for taking the time to post about how to talk to our children about tragedy. We don't always know how our children process tragedy, and with your help, we have some tools to help us all cope. My thoughts go out to all those families that lost loved ones and were injured.
Thank you so much for your comment, Jill. I agree that we don't always know how to help children or what to say. The Silver Lining is that there ARE tools to help. Thanks, again. Take good care!
Hi, Hollye. I actually met you about two years ago at Julia Leach's Chance event at Pam's beautiful home in Marin. Love your blog and glad to see you are doing so well. Keep it up.
How wonderful, Amanda! Thank you for your kind words, for reading and for commenting.
Have you seen Julia since? I co-hosted a trunk show for her last year. LOVE her!