Today has been the worst day of chemo side effects to date. Seriously. F-bomb. Despite intravenous fluids, acupuncture, yoga, bad television and even a thoughtful prezzie from The Husband, I feel like I have hit the bottomless pit of chemo despair extraordinarily early in this cycle – usually I hit bottom about 8 or 9 days after chemo. The cumulative effects are really taking their toll.
This is the perfect way to describe me right now:
A sofalizer with N2 who CRS and has FBC.
Definitions:
Sofalize: a British marketing term created for people who prefer and communicate with others electronically.
N2 – Narley Nausea
CRS – Can’t remember S**t
FBC – F-Bomb Brain Chaos (in addition to F-Bomb Breast Cancer)
Here is a photo from a recent trip to the beach where, if you look closely, two beautiful dolphins are swimming very close to shore. What a Silver Lining memory.
Everything works out in the end, and if it hasn’t worked out, it’s not the end.
—author unknown
You poor thing-have strength and hang in there.
Hang in there! Sending good, happy thoughts your way. Such a trooper, even through all the horrible crap FBC has thrown at you, you're an inspiration! A worst day? You can fight it!! It's still just a day 🙂
Xoxo
I think I can safely type that your sofa is crowded with many people sitting alongside you and communing in spirit, even though we might be communing with electronic support. Your sofa is filled with vibrations of prayers, lovely comforting thoughts, and love. Plump those cushions and snuggle in and know your universe is supporting you. Blessings.
f-bomb, f-bomb, f-bomb, I am so so sorry. I can think of nothing insightful or helpful to say right now- it just sucks. But I will be thinking of you every second. The little hand with the flower keeps popping into my mind….along with the pictures of the beautiful ocean. Hopefully all of those lovely images will keep popping into your head as well. xxxxhollyc
Hollye, The New Normal is not a good one right now but You Can Do This! Try to keep focusing on those silver linings and getting to day 12 when the cloud will lift. And day 13 you can put on your pink scarf and head out into the world again with a smile on your face :). Love to you. Xo c.
I "know" you through Jon and Nellie and have read about your FBC adventures. I'm two weeks on the other side of chemo after 12 weeks of weekly infusions. Fu….ing Relief though the CRS hasn't passed. Hang in there, girl. They promise it gets better.
Hollye
Reading your comments reminds me of how I felt when I underwent chemo and radiation over seven years ago.
Your writings are inspirational and provide a great insight for others who have either shared this f_______g experience with you or want to understand how best to be supportive on behalf of a great and true friend.
Hang in there. The goal line is in sight.
Love,
Len
I'm so sorry you're feeling so terrible…lots of love and healing energy getting sent your way…xoxo
Oh so hoping it will let up soon. One saying that often got me through my hardest times was "this too shall pass" telling myself, just take one day, one hour, one minute at a time…and breathe. Snuggle in and know you are surrounded by so much love.
Thinking of you every every day….
Soft hug…Nan
Wretched. Horrid. Stinky. Fbomb, indeed.
That you have the energy to write such a cogent, articulate, and moving description of your state of mind puts you way ahead of the pack. Oh the ecstasy you will feel when the pain, nauseau, cloudiness lifts!
The chemo brain thing… well that continues, I'm afraid. You will forget stuff. But you have the excuse. So don't worry.
(The moleskin will get double duty.)