How to Help Someone Grieving During the Holidays
Please allow me to re-post a piece that I did at this time last year. Grieving during the holidays is especially hard…adding insult to injury as it were, so I thought that I would share this again.
No matter how recent or far a death occurred, the holidays bring up memories and consequently, the pain of the loss. Family members and friends often have a difficult time knowing what to say or how to support their loved one. Recently, the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization published a terrific article with fantastic tips for helping someone who is grieving during the holidays. I hope that these tips help you or someone close to you during this difficult time.
- Be supportive of the way the person chooses to handle the holidays. Some may wish to follow traditions; others may choose to avoid customs of the past and do something new. It’s okay to do things differently.
- Offer to help the person with decorating or holiday baking. Both tasks can be overwhelming for someone who is grieving.
- Offer to help with holiday shopping. Share catalogs or online shopping sites that may be helpful.
- Invite the person to join you or your family during the holidays. You might invite them to join you for a religious service or at a holiday meal where they are a guest.
- Ask the person if he or she is interested in volunteering with you during the holidays. Doing something for someone else, such as helping at a soup kitchen or working with children, may help your loved one feel better about the holidays.
- Donate a gift or money in memory of the person’s loved one. Remind the person that his or her loved one is not forgotten.
- Never tell someone that he or she should be “over it.” Instead, give the person hope that, eventually, he or she will enjoy the holidays again.
- Be willing to listen. Active listening from friends and family is an important step to helping some cope with grief and heal.
- Remind the person you are thinking of him or her and the loved one who died.Cards, phone calls and visits are great ways to stay in touch.
- Follow up after the holidays to check in. Given the activity of the season, some people may make it through the holidays without any issues, but they might find the post-holiday period to be more difficult. So checking in after the holidays to see how he or she may be doing is helpful.
In general, the best way to help those who are grieving during the holidays is to let them know you care and that their loved one is not forgotten.
More information about grief or hospice is available from NHPCO’s Caring Connections, www.caringinfo.org, or visit Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care’s Bereavement Support & Counseling website or contact them at (805) 965-5555.
Bless you for this article. It should be required reading. The holidays inevitably do bring back memories which are a mixture of joy, gratitude and a touch of sad because no matter how long (or recent) it's been, we still miss loved ones no longer with us. Telling someone they "should be over it" is just plain rude, well-meaning as it may be. Eventually we realize that by savoring the holidays, enjoying the lights, sights, sounds, making new memories, we honor our loved ones and it makes them happy, I'm sure, to see us enjoying this most wonderful time of the year. Great, now I'm sounding like that song, but you know what I mean! Wishing everyone a happy, blessed Christmas and holiday season.
You are so welcome, dear E.B.! Your comment is so wonderful…and sounding like a beautiful song! Thank you.