Table Etiquette

Table Etiquette

In this nutty, fast-paced digital age it seems as though table manners have taken quite a turn. Case in point: last weekend, we had a dinner party and when we sat down, the HOTY announced:  “Would everyone please put all phones and electronics on vibrate?”  Yes, he actually said that.  I was gobsmacked by the fact that he even had to say that.  Incidentally, my goal is to have a bowl into which all cell phones go before any and every dinner, whether it is just the three of us or it is a dinner party for a big group!  I digress….

So, what do we do if people want to do things like take dinner selfies or photos of your food for instagram? It makes my tummy turn just thinking about all of this nonsense…in the literal sense of the word: NON-sense!  In light of these questions (and the fact that I am doing my darndest to raise a well-mannered 9 year old daughter!), I thought it would be helpful to go old-school and remind ourselves of the etiquette that has been in place for many many years (way before we had to ask people to NOT use  smartphones at the table!*&#@!*&).  My favorite etiquette tips come from Millicent Fenwick, author of Vogue’s Book of Etiquette.

Here are her 23 Rules for Table Manners:

1. Napkins belong on the lap.
2. The back should be straight without rigidity.
3. About elbows, which should be anchored to the table or the ribs, but always down near the sides.
4. Use your soup spoon in a motion away from the table edge.
5. Leave soup spoon in soup plate when done, but never in a soup cup.
6. Always drink something served in a cup from the cup itself (do not drink coffee from a spoon after stirring it).
7. The little finger should never be crooked.
8. Food should be kept in the center of the plate away from the flat rim.
9. Do not push around or mess up your food.
10. Only one thing cut at a time, no layering.
11. Two bites should never be taken from the same forkful.
12. About where to leave utensils mid-meal
13. And after a meal
14. The mouth should be wiped before drinking to keep the edge of the glass attractively clean.
15. Always break bread into pieces before buttering.
16. Sauces should not be sopped up with bread, nor should bread be dipped into coffee. . . . Though “Sopping up sauces or gravy with a piece of bread is standard practice in the good, hearty eating ways of middle-class Continental Europe; here, it is regarded as a little eccentric but flattering to the hostess.”
17. Salad should not be cut with a knife.
18. Anything that must be taken from the mouth and put back on a plate is dealt with according to a very simple rule: If it went in on a spoon, it comes out on a spoon (follows for hands, forks, etc.).
19. Never dip one utensil used for one reason (jam) into the vessel of another (butter).
20. Condiments go on the plate before the food.
21. Same goes for food served from a platter.
22. Soup, oysters, or any food already portioned should never be refused.
23. Fingers should never be used to push food onto the fork.

Whatcha think?  Am I a fuddy-duddy who is not keeping up with the times?

*Photo by my dear friend and co-author Elizabeth Messina.