(Un)Tethering Technology

 

Finally Five attends a wonderful tennis clinic. Last week she noted that Maria Sharapova (her favorite player) was once Finally Five. Yes, indeed.

Anyway, the parents sit on the side of the court and “watch.” I admit that for me, my time on the side of the court has always been an opportunity to catch up on a few emails while Finally Five was otherwise athletically engaged.

Well, from the tennis court last week, in front of everyone, Finally Five yelled to me “Hey Mommy!  Please put your phone away and watch me!”  Totally Busted. And then to make matters worse, she did the nonverbal sign for “I’m watching you” a la Jack Byrnes to Greg Focker in “Meet the Parents”.  Seriously.

This incident reminded me of a fabulous talk given by Sherry Turkle, a clinical psychologist at MIT who has spent the last 30 years researching the psychology of people’s relationships with technology.

I was riveted by her discussion about our culture’s tether to technology. She believes that we are “alone when together and together when we are alone.”

Think about it. Imagine a couple sitting at a table on their iPhone (or Blackberry) devices. Alone when together. Or imagine the person who emails in the middle of the night who is together when alone. (Ahem, that vision reminds me of my typing nonstop during the many sleepless nights whilst on pre-chemo steroids!)

Today’s technology has a unique, extraordinarily strong holding power that requires an intense amount of energy. There is a very deep immersion inherent in technology that pejoratively cuts personal connections.  Why, you ask, does a text cause such a disruption?  According to Dr. Turkle, the red light or vibration of a device says that “You are wanted” and “Whatever is coming through the device may be better than what you are currently doing.”

Parents and adults are teaching children by example that it’s OK to text and email virtually all the time.  That a conversation or meal can and should be interrupted for the incoming text or email. Ewwwww.

Instead of obsessively text’ing and emailing, it is imperative that we model for children the fact that it is not only OK, but necessary to put technology on hold. Adults (whether parents or not) need to teach and demonstrate “Digital Citizenship”. I love that phrase.

Another poignant thing that I learned during Dr. Turkle’s talk is that although our children have grown up with email and text’ing, the internet is NOT grown up.  In fact, the Internet is still in its infancy. The Silver Lining here is that corrections can be made now to ensure that we live in better harmony with technology.

These corrections require a rebalancing. There is no doubt that technology is a partner in the great adventure of life.  However, we need a healthy digital diet that has sacred spaces.

How do we correct and rebalance? Digital Citizenship begins in the home.

One way is to create sacred spaces where email and text’ing are not permitted.  For example, no text’ing at meals. Mealtime is a hugely sacred space for me. I go a little cuckoo (ok berzerk!) when people text or email at meals…whether children are present or not.  I get edgy even if an iPhone is sitting on the table. It is as if it is literally taking a place at the table.

Another sacred space is the bedroom.  Especially children’s bedrooms.  Having the bedroom be a sacred space is hugely advantageous, Turkle says, because it allows people to be with themselves, alone. Being alone fosters introspection, creativity, growth and, dare I say it, enlightenment.

Taking a Digital Sabbath is another way to cultivate Digital Citizenship and to correct technological compulsion.

So, in my effort to simplify my life and refocus, I have decided that every Sunday, I will take a Digital Sabbath from email and text’ing.  I have a feeling that this will be a real challenge. However, I’m looking so forward to the space that will inevitably be created by not being attached to technology.