I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of strength lately. Wonder why? DUH.
Physical strength is something that has always been a priority for me. I work out to feel and be strong, to climb mountains, to run (and yes, so I can EAT). Physical strength is something that has always enhanced my mental strength. After a good workout, I always have a great deal of mental clarity and stamina.
As you know, physical strength is something that I’ve been, uhhhh, sorely lacking since the third round of chemo last week. Because my physical strength has traditionally and consistently driven my mental strength, let’s just say that without my usual brawniness, I have been a tad non compos mentis (to say the least!).
However, (this is where the Silver Linings come in) when I feel myself on the road that lacks strength, I wonder:
What I am supposed to learn?
How am I supposed to grow?
What will come out of this?
When I feel particularly puny, I haven’t once thought about my predicament as weakness (the opposite of strength); rather, I’ve contemplated my situation as a state “absent of physical strength”.
I’ve also considered the fact that physical strength does not necessarily drive mental strength. In fact, it’s my mental strength right now (often in the form of SL’s) that is driving my physical strength. Hmmm…I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.
After thinking about this concept a lot today (thankfully, it was a beautiful, sunny afternoon and Buzz encouraged my to go outside and just SIT), the following quote popped into my life. Wow. So cool.
Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.
– Mohandas Gandhi
A very good friend of mine who is facing fusion of his spine through a rare form of degenerative arthritis is a Buddhist. He shared with me how depressing it has been, watching his physical strength be stripped away. He told me that the Buddha wrote "true enlightenment is often achieved by those who suffer serious illness at an early age." Somehow accepting vulnerability becomes strength. As always, you're finding the SL's….what a testament to YOUR will!
your mental capacity is all there. I had to read it twice to understand and grasp everything, and I have been exercising like a fiend. (have to cause too many ginnybakes to taste test! Wish you could eat them)
I love you and always thinking of you.
xoxo
Forgot to mention that when I was in the middle of my chemo, but before the 4 tres rough Taxol sessions were coming, I drove myself up to lone Pine on the east side of the Sierras – my fav mtns. in the world. I have a secret hideaway there that i could share with you if you're ever interested. Anyway, I drove to Whitney Portal with my journal, drawing materials, chair, lunch etc. Set myself up at THE waterfull. Could only hike around the parking lot a bit, rather than starting up the trail to Mt. Whitney. But a miraculous spiritual healing energy filled me, as I sat there listening to the singing of the falls. I carry with me to this day (8 yrs later) a laminated little drawing I made of me driving down the mtn. with musical notes rising from my sunroof and a dove flying above my car. I felt great, with a healing buzz flowing through me – so much so that i had to call my sister to share after I got home. Hope you have such a healing experience ahead of you. given who seem to be, I have no doubt! Pat Dunn
Hol,
Your questions:
"What I am supposed to learn?"
"How am I supposed to grow?'
"What will come out of this?"
~ You may not know the answers to these questions now, however, in time you will reflect and you will understand more about your lesson, your growth and the purpose of FBC! It is the difficult and sometimes gut-wrenching experiences that we go through in life that are the ones we learn from; not the easy and comfortable situations. Just listen to and trust your heart… it's a great navigator. Be well, my friend!
~Carol~