Turning 40 During Cancer Treatment
The other day, I had the opportunity to attend an incredibly chic fashion dinner. It was so much fun. Post FBC (F-bomb breast cancer, for those new readers), I am still so grateful for and enamored by being able to dress up and go out. It’s such a wonderful Silver Lining in my life.
During dinner, a friend of a friend (whom I had never met) came over to say hello. She sat down at our table and lamented (an understatement) about turning 40. “I can’t believe it” and “I’m not handling it well” were some of her many reflections on her upcoming birthday. This woman is gorgeous with an equally beautiful family. I was looking at her thinking, “WTF? REALLY, lady?” She went on and on about the perils of turning 40, to which my body responded with a big, fat hot flash.
The day before my 40th birthday, I had my port-a-cath placed (in preparation for my upcoming chemo infusions). On my 40th birthday, I had a ginormous bandage covering my neck with a tremendous amount of pain from the surgical procedure.
I’m really F-bomb happy to BE 40. Estatic as a matter of fact.
I really wanted to tell this woman my story, but I had this strong feeling that it wasn’t the right time. That she needed to be down trodden about her upcoming birthday and that nothing I could say would change her mind (unfortunately). I felt sad for her…and the fact that she couldn’t celebrate her life, her family, and her health at the beautiful age of 40.
Aging is a gift not afforded to everyone. I’m F-bomb psyched to turn 41 this year. Every year I age is another year that I have lived. How F-bomb great is that?
As we often tell our daughter (a/k/a Finally Five), “Always think about what you DO have, not what you don’t have.”
You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.
~Douglas MacArthur
Hollye, This is perfectly said….Thanks for putting it out there! So much to be grateful for….so much right in front of us to be appreciated and savored.
I LOVE this post….I will be celebrating my 50th birthday in June and have decided that this year would be my" 50-1 and counting down " year, and that I would be in my best shape of my life by the Big day! I am grateful every day for all I have in my life and this has been the secret of happiness for me( even on "bad" days! ) . I love your optimism and sharing of your thoughts …..thanks again!
PS…we are eating our way through Paris and are very grateful for the French Chefs!!?..
Take Care
I couldn't agree more! I celebrate each birthday as an accomplishment. My beautiful mom passed away at 42 and I've always considered it too young to die but a wonderful age to be alive. I look forward to my 40's!
I wholeheartedly agree. Keep the birthdays coming. Xo
Hollye – I just have to tell you that your photography is almost as amazing as your words. Seriously!
Very well said, Hollye. Your gratitude is another one of cancer's silver linings. I've had times where I've felt like you too(post cancer). Like you said, she's not ready to hear it and she's on her own path, for her own reasons. Maybe she'll read your blog. I love the quote. Have a wonderful weekend!
Kim xo
For some 40 is hard. It was for me, b/c I started realizing I had so much more living to do.
I love quotes, too. The one at the end of this post is wonderful! I'm trying to make journaling a habit and I have special journal just for quotes!!
Thanks for sharing your life's journey w/ us!!
LOVE this post…last week I had someone very dear to me tell me that I must color my hair…that the gray looked terrible and that I looked old. I smiled and explained that I am aging, in fact will soon turn 50 and that I love my gray hair…what I didn't say, but should have was that my husband thinks I am beautiful! Having lost too many friends too young, I am grateful for each day, for each moment and I 'wear' my age proudly…I have earned every gray hair and each laugh line on my face 🙂
Holly – You are a very wise person who has inspired me in many ways. Reading your blog has made me realize how much I could have used a support group over the past year or so. I am also 41 and never have been big into birthdays until I had my breasts removed 4 days before my 40th because of FBC…I now will celebrate each birthday with a new appreciation and zest for life…love those silver linings!
How true! I have been having many experiences such as yours..I however have lost the filter that says "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all" A few times I have just looked at people and said exactly what do mean?? You are healthy and alive..be grateful for everything in your life not just the extraordinary. Then they look at me and think WTF is wrong with her… I am all good with birthday's! To be able to say I am still here and so very grateful that I am.
Dear Hollye,
I love your attitude!
Lol I would have enjoyed watching FF meet that woman, I could just see FF telling her ,at the sage age of five, " to think about what you have and not what you don't have!"
We just got the very sad news that a 39 year old friend had Lou Gehrigs disease and less than a year to live. She was diagnosed only a few months ago and is already in a wheelchair. She is a lovely woman , and a single mother of a beautiful 10 year old daughter. Anyone that laments the passing of the years is sadly missing the biggest truth of all…every day we have is a blessing and when I envision myself an old woman with long silver hair, surrounded by family and friends, I pray that will be my reality, with the wrinkles of laughter and the wisdom of years lived…,
Hi. I'm really enjoying your blog. I discovered it through GOOP. I too recall my 40th. My husband who was just diagnosed with radiation induced osteosarcoma of the jaw was due to start his chemo treatment the next day. It just happened to land the day after my birthday. To give you an idea of the kind of guy he was, when the nurse gave us the treatment schedule, fear eating away at our guts, Nick grabbed my hand and said, "We can still celebrate your birthday." I am grateful for the day to say the least. It was indeed one of our last. He died 7 months later. My silver lining is our two year old daughter and the many little things that you're so good at affirming – being able to get dressed up and go out and being able to turn . . . 42! Be well, Gorgeous.